What God’s Answering Machine Really Says

Poetry, Unorthodox Poetry

Can you believe they called me down upon you?

They called me down to change your personality,
your whim, your whole fucking attitude.
It’s as if they didn’t like you or something.

Doesn’t surprise me, though.
It happens all the time.
But yet, it does surprise me.

I mean, they called me down to kill you,
they called me down to make you crash.
Those fuckin’ road-ragers.

they even called me down to disembowel your cat.

They basically called me down
to implement all bad things on your life.

You people don’t read commandments anymore?
Damn illiterates.

It’s okay, though.
You called me down upon them too
and look what happened to you.

Now you’re calling me for help.
I mean, what,
a ma’fucka can’t answer prayers no more?

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The ALL NEW Jesus Action Figure

Poetry, Unorthodox Poetry

And now,
Introducing the ALL NEW
Jesus action figure,
now with kung fu grip and mighty whip
Able to make any merchant run from the Almighty’s wrath.

Act now and receive your very own cat-of-nine-tails accessory,
ideal for re-living those
memories from the “Passion” movie (also available (sold separately))

And for a low, low price of only $9.99/mo. for nine months.


We’ll also throw in a complimentary,
absolutely free,
hand crafted,
Satan doll,
at no extra charge to you.


Jesus isn’t only my Homeboy,
He’s also my action figure!!

Chuy, My Wingman


Mi compa, Chuy Christ,
came over last night
wearing his trademark
Birkenstock huaraches
while I was playing X-Box.

He came to tell me
it was “time.”

Confused, I asked, “Wha’da Ya mean it’s ‘time’?”

Fondling himself, He replied,
“It’s time to go out and party, holmes!”

“I made reservations at our ‘local
gentlemen’s club’,” he continued, giggling.

“Aight. But brush out your hair and beard, ése.
You got some green shit tangled in there.”

“Oh, my bad,” He replied

So I put on my Jesus-Is-My-Homeboy T-shirt and rolled out.
He turned some water into Hennessey,
Moét, and Hypnotic,
I watched Him take Incredible Hulk shot
after Incredible Hulk shot to the noggin.

Passing out on me,
I left Him laid out in the gutter,
took his broad home,
and on the way Ms. Magdalene told me
He talks to His Old Man and Dove
saying somethin’ ‘bout
His job’s done.

He’s rebelling, looking for freedom,
and she’s worried.

She asked me to do something.

I will…eventually.
Right now,
He makes me look good
with the ladies.

New World Order

Love Poetry, Poetry

I burn
the world
for you

I level
every building
as you desire

I raise
the oceans and flood
every Channel Island
every coast-side villa
every individual
ant hill

I construct in their place
a world
where your eyes are
worshipped as platters
for moonlight

la diosa Tonantzin
is jealous

turns in
her grave

Kali will never
be the same

our new world
populated by butterflies
burning in mid-flight
and transfusion is a common thing

snow storms nourish
our lives and embers
fall covering my eyes

I told you in a dream once
how thoughts of you consume
my mind as wildfire
consumes our Southern
California home

ashes converge into your image
there are pilgrimages
to your bedside and my jealousy
wipes out the world population

Apple Cores


(for Siri)

there’s a meaning of life found in the core of an apple that we can’t find

there’s a core meaning in an apple that I can’t find, and neither can you

there’s a meaning of cores in apples and life that god can’t find too

a meaning in apples at the core of life, that god can’t find, does not mean it’s because of you

there’s a meaning that can’t be found because god is not in you

there’s a meaning god doesn’t want you to find because of you

god can’t find a meaning in apple cores for you

there’s a meaning god can’t find; nor can you


Love Poetry, Poetry

No one ever said it would be easy living with You, but it was much more difficult to die.
No one ever said it would be easy to die, but it was much more difficult living with You.

No one ever said it was difficult living, but it was easier dying with You.
No one ever said it was difficult dying, but it was easier living with You.

No one ever said I would live, but I did, and it was easiest with You.
No one ever said I would die, but I did, and at that time I knew.

No one ever said a difficult thing, until You.
No one thing ever said difficult, until You.

No one ever said difficult You.
You never said difficult too.

You never said.
Never said You.

You, never.
Never, You.